Living, Loving, Losing and Lasting

I am me, and only me. Take me as I am or watch me as I go. I'll be the one to love you the most, but trust me...I won't be the one to stick around forever for you to realize it. I dance in the rain, and cry during chick flicks. I am a girl, I am myself, there is no changing it. Accept me, or don't. I won't change for you, or anyone else. I'm a lover, not a fighter...but I will always fight for what I love and believe in. I wish, I hope, I dream. I am a girl, living this thing we call life

You watch me cry but yet you walk away. You hear me scream but you turn away. You left me to drown in my salty tears..but why? Do you not care? Have I done wrong? You left me wondering. As my tears dry, I slowly die, maybe now, you'll regret your walking away. ~Unknown

Take me as I am, or watch me as I go, cause a fake smile can hide a million tears

I might not be someone's the first choice, but I m a great choice. I may not be rich, but I am valuable. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, but I am proud of who I am today. I may not be perfect, but I don't need to be. Take me as I am, or watch me as I walk away

 

Sometimes it seems like you'd rather watch me drown, than see your hands get wet.

I’ve made mistakes in my life. I’ve let people take advantage of me, and i accepted way less than i deserve. but, I’ve learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things i can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I’ll know better next time and i won't settle for anything less than i deserve. 

 

Turn your scars into stars
Robert H. Schuller

Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.
Robert H. Schuller

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

Other people's opinion of you does not have to become your reality.
Les Brown

Well, that's your opinion, isn't it? And I'm not about to waste my time trying to change it.
Lady Gaga

Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
A. A. Milne

Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine.
Mario Fernandez

 

 

Are you being verbally abused?

Are you being Verbally Abused? Understand their disease. Stop the hurt. Heal the damage. (this essay adapted from Tears and Healing Reflections)

Are you being verbally abused?
You may not know how to tell, but even worse, you may be thinking that you are the crazy one. Abusers work hard to distort our reality to make their reality feel safer. So what is verbal abuse? Ask yourself this: does your partner hurt you repeatedly with words? Does he or she do it to satisfy their own emotional needs, or because they're out of control? Does she or he use the situation to lock you in so you have to tolerate it, or make a huge sacrifice to get away? If you see this dynamic in your relationship, you are being verbally abused. The hurt of abuse can come in many ways, including physical attacks, verbal attacks, sexual attacks, withholding things we need including affection, sex, money, or contact with friends and family. Verbal abuse uses words, and often the abuser uses other types of abuse as well.

What is this Disease?
Verbal abuse is a behavior, not a disease. But verbal abuse, like all kinds of abuse, is caused by an underlying disease. Healthy people might occasionally lose their temper, leading to an outburst, but a consistent pattern of hurtful verbal abuse can only be the result of a deeper problem. I help a lot of people come to grips with their hurtful situations, just as I had to come to grips with mine. At first, I thought the problem I faced was verbal abuse, and that's how I first starting finding help. But in my situation, like most, the verbal abuse was only one part of a bigger and more serious situation.

Verbal abuse, and most other types of abuse, is caused by an underlying disorder. Most often, the disorders are borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or sociopathy - technically called antisocial personality disorder. Understanding what is going on in a verbally abusive situation requires understanding these disorders. This connection leads to what we sometimes call the "light bulb effect", where long-standing confusion and hurt suddenly opens up to an insight - and the first steps to protecting ourselves and to healing.

Stopping the hurt; Healing the Damage - Dealing with this situation is complex, and people need some idea of "What do I do now that I know this?" For most people, there are important values, beliefs and obligations that have to be carefully thought about.
Because verbal abuse is so damaging to a relationship, significant decisions have to be faced, then resolved.
Tears and Healing holds a light up in this dark place. Written from the inside perspective of someone who has been through the hell of being emotionally and verbally battered by a spouse, this book addresses the major issues that we all must wrestle with.

Tears and Healing begins with the most difficult issue: abusive partners constantly work to distort our perception of what is happening and what is right and wrong, until we doubt our own judgment so much we can't make decisions. It then addresses the process of detaching to find safe space and to regain a sense of right and wrong, and searching to understand what we, as people, need in our lives - needs that often must be simply put aside to survive in these brutal situations. It deals with love, and the conflict of being in love with someone hurtful to us. And it addresses the intense feelings of obligation that many of us have, which keep us locked in situations that are beyond what any person should endure. Tears and Healing is an intensely personal and validating guide through this maze of thoughts and emotions.

Author's Comments
Abuse is when someone else hurts us to serve their own needs and uses the situation to lock us in and maintain control. Abuse can be physical, emotional, verbal or sexual. My own experience was being verbally and emotionally abused. I consider my experience to be particularly brutal because my abuser sought not just control, but to emotionally destroy me. But no matter the type or intensity of experience, I believe anyone currently in or having escaped from an abusive situation can benefit from my approaches. I worked hard to understand why I felt trapped and how I could escape. I read and studied many books on psychology and relationships. I pieced together the best ideas from these and added insight and models of my own. I've shared my experience and approaches as a mentor in online support communities since 2000. Hundreds of people in these groups have shared with me how unique and helpful my insights are. And thousands more have read and benefited from my online writings. Getting yourself out of an abusive situation and healing the damage it has done are not small tasks. It takes time and energy. But you also need guidance in what to work on, because abusive partners deliberately distort our reality to serve their sick needs. My books, combined with continued dialog in support communities, can provide that critical compass to navigate the dark passages until the light breaks through.

I wish you good luck and Godspeed.

Richard Skerritt

The Paradox of Our Time - George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but

shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but

have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller

families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less

sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems,

more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,

drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too

little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too

much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a

living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've

been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street

to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've

done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but

polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write

more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to

rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to

produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods, and slow digestion, big men and small

character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of

two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are

days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night

stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to

quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and

nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to

you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just

hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going

to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to

you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your

side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is

the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but

most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from

deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for

someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to

speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away

Some "moving on with your life" quotes which I think we all can relate to..

"i've made mistakes in my life. i've let people take advantage of me, and i accepted way less than i deserve. but, i've learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things i can never get back and people who will never be sorry, i'll know better next time and i won't settle for anything less than i deserve."

"there comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it, and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard you forget the bad, and focus solely on the good. after all, life is too short to be anything but happy."

"i hope that one day, years from now, we'll meet up again. and i hope when you see me you will think: 'wow, i can't believe i let someone so amazing out of my life.'"

"i've built a wall not to block anyone out, but to see who loves me enough to climb over it."

"it breaks your heart when people you know become people you knew; when you can walk right past someone as if they were never a huge part of your life. you used to be able to talk for hours on the phone and now you can't even look each other in the damn eye. it completely breaks your heart to know good things change. and there's nothing you can do about it."

"i kinow god will not give me anything i can't handle. i just wish he didn't trust me so much."

"have you ever heard a song from so long ago, with so many memories tied to it that it made you cry? and didn't you wish you could go back in time to when everything was simpe and carefree? those are the soundtracks of our lives. the ones that bring back our past. best friends. first loves. broken hearts. and memories - good and bad."

"i believe that everything happens for a reason. people change so that you can learn to let go. things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right. you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

"when life knocks you down to your knees, just remember that you are in the perfect positon to pray."

"life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. if you get a chance, take it. if it changes your life, let it. nobody said it'd be easy. they just promised it'd be worth it."

"there comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. so don't worry about people from your past. there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future."

"the only people you need in your life are the ones that need you in theirs."

"you can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation: trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened - or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."

"i believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. i believe in kissing, kissing a lot. i believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. i believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. i believe that tomorrow is another day, and i believe in miracles."

Prawn Shak Jive

don sees the world: The Prawn Shack

don sees the world: The Prawn Shack: What a blast! In a trip that has been rife with good times and adventures, today has been another highlight. My friends who have been here b...

Tequila done the Prawn Shak way!!

Catching up with old & new friends at The Prawn Shack

Catching up with old & new friends at The Prawn Shack

Hakuna MaDutta: Day 296, The Prawn Shack

Hakuna MaDutta: Day 296, The Prawn Shack: Day 296, Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t be partaking in a 500km round trip for a restaurant, but normal has been few and far betw...